Which is the most important organ involved while performing sexual activity? If you thought it was your genitals then you are wrong as the most important organ that determines your performance in bed is your brain! Many men suffer from performance anxiety which renders them incapable of fully enjoying their sex life. In a country like India were sex is considered a taboo topic until boys reach a certain age, this problem is even more magnified. Here are some causes of performance anxiety along with tips to beat it.
1. Don’t be too conscious about your body
These days we are exposed to different types of media which show extremely good looking people with perfect bodies. This puts immense pressure on people who don’t meet these standards and often leads to depression and a loss of self esteem. While having sex, a man may think that he is too fat or too thin or just weirdly shaped and that could lead to him not being able to enjoy sex fully. It is important to understand that such notions aren’t healthy, and that being depressed about it won’t do any good. Try to focus on the parts of your body that you like and hit the gym to get fitter and look better. Read more about how your body image can affect your sex life.
2. Don’t expect your sex life to match up to porn
Most men are exposed to porn in their teenage years, and since that is where they get most of their sex education – it makes them think that a man should last for more than 30 minutes. Such expectations are often not met because they are unrealistic and result in a loss of confidence. It is important to understand that porn does not reflect sex in real life, and they are often performed with several cuts. According to studies, the standard time that a man should take to ejaculate after penetration is 3-5 minutes. Read more about how porn addiction can damage your sex life.
3. Don’t be obsessed about your penis size
A lot of queries that we get on the Q&A section of our website is from men who think that their penis is too small. Again, repeated porn viewings can give one unrealistic expectations. It is important to understand that what a man does with his penis is a lot more important than merely it’s size. Don’t worry too much about it and learn about several things like female erogenous zones and kegel exercises to enhance your sex life. Making efforts to improve your sex life, regardless of what you’ve been endowed with will help boost your confidence and could be instrumental in dealing with performance anxiety. Read more about why you shouldn’t worry too much about your penis size.
4. Forget negative experiences in the past
There could be previous experiences where a man may have been ridiculed while having sex by his partner for being clumsy or inadequate. Such an occurrence could possibly scar his confidence, so much so that the next time he tries to have sex, he’ll suffer from performance anxiety. If such a thing has happened to you, then you should know that every day is a fresh day and people have become champions in areas which they have been initially bad at.
5. Remember you’ll get better at it with time
It is quite normal to feel a little jittery the first time you have sex.However, it is important to understand that there is a first time for everything and that you’ll get better with time. Once you have that attitude, it is unlikely that you’ll suffer from significant anxiety. Also, you should communicate this to your partner and ask her for help if she has had previous experience. Read our guide to first time sex for men.
6. Get professional help for your erectile dysfunction problem
Sometimes, the cause of performance anxiety could be physical. Erectile dysfunction can come as a major blow to any man and if you are suffering from it then you must see a sexologist immediately. There are several drugs and treatments these days (for eg. Viagra) that could fight erectile dysfunction and using them will rid you of performance anxiety too. Read more about how you can beat erectile dysfunction.
7. Don’t think of failure
Some people like to think of sex as a performance in a play. Remember, you are under no pressure and you don’t have to act. Sex is indulged in for pleasure and if you have a supportive partner, then she’ll drive you towards success. Also, working out in the gym and reading about sex tips to please your woman can significantly improve your confidence and reduce anxiety.
8. Don’t get too stressed
There are times when life doesn’t pan out the way you intend it to despite your best efforts. You could be facing problems at work, with your parents or even your partner about non-sex related issues like your child not doing well at school that could demotivate you in life. This could lead to you not being as aroused as you are normally resulting in performance anxiety. It is important to understand that sex is a great stress buster and if you are facing problems in your personal life then you have all the more reason to indulge in it. Also, giving yourself a pedicure or having your partner give you a back massage can make you forget all your problems and that will certainly help your sex life.
In case, you are not being able to solve your performance anxiety issues on your own, then you should see a sex therapist who’ll provide counselling and recommend various strategies to cope with your problem.
