Could your sex life use a boost? It’s normal for people in long-term relationships to feel like things have gotten a little (or a lot)…stale. But simply mixing it up a bit can be all it takes to reignite the spark, says Ellen Barnard, a sexuality educator and owner of the Madison, WI boutique A Woman’s Touch. Shake things up by starting a bucket list with all the sexy situations you want to try (we’re serious). Feel free to steal the 11 ideas below—they’re guaranteed to boost your sex life and the connection between you and your partner. Now, how quickly can you check them all off?
Have “Just Because” Sex
You don’t always need an occasion to have sex; doing it “just because” can majorly boost your bond in the long run, says Tammy Nelson, PhD, author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity. So instead of waiting for Saturday night or for when the kids are away, jump right in—right now. Need a little motivation? Sex is a great way to get rid of tension and let go of the stress of a busy day, explains Nelson. Plus, sex begets sex: Once you start having spur-of-the-moment romps, it will feel more like a habit. That’s reason enough to rethink your usual Monday night TV plans.
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Have “LOL” Sex
Bringing a sense of fun into the bedroom is key for a healthy sex life. So try something that may seem a little silly at first, like giving your partner a lap dance or having him guess what tune you’re humming during oral sex. This isn’t about perfecting a new move or pretending that you’re starring in a porno: It’s about having fun together. As long as you’re both comfortable being silly and have a sense of adventure, you’ll emerge even closer—even if the technique you tried wasn’t exactly a winner.
Have “Sense-ational” Sex
Blindfolds, noise cancelling headphones, remaining completely silent as your partner has his way with you…omitting one sense can allow your other senses to work overtime, creating an OMG experience for both of you. Try it out, then switch roles so your partner can have a go.
Have “Everything But” Sex
Remember that intense feeling of making out for hours—but not going any further? Experts agree that the intensity of kissing and touching can get lost in long-term relationships, when it’s easy to zero in on the main event. So this time, ban sex and focus on everything that comes before. You’ll be surprised at how hot it can get even without the grand finale.
Have “We Might Get Caught” Sex
No, we’re not suggesting that you go at it in a restaurant bathroom or on an airplane (just think of the anything-but-sexy germs). This is more about going a little bit outside of your comfort zone, like keeping the shades open or getting it on in the living room when no one’s home. Although you know the odds of anyone walking in on you are slim, the novelty of it will kick your adrenaline into overdrive and lead to a more intense experience, says Barnard.
Have “The Couch/Coffee Table/Washing Machine Will Never Be The Same” Sex
Yes, your bed is beyond comfortable, but having sex outside of the bedroom adds an extra layer of urgency that can’t be discounted. When you have the house to yourselves, try it out somewhere you’ve never done it. You just may find that your dining room table has some amazing attributes you never imagined when you saw it in the showroom.
Have “All Day” Sex
Sexting isn’t just for college students, and you don’t have to use any words that will make you blush. Start the anticipation in the morning by texting to let your partner know how hot he looked after getting out of the shower or how excited you are that you both have the house to yourselves this evening. “Your rule of thumb for sexy texting is that if someone happened to see your screen they wouldn’t be disgusted—they’d just be jealous of your relationship,” says Aline Zoldbrod, PhD, a certified sex therapist based in Boston. Try it and see how revved up you are by the end of the day.
MORE: 7 Times You Should Definitely Have Sex
Have “Better Than Dessert” Sex
The best sex electrifies the senses, so why not add a sweet treat into the mix? But don’t bust out the whipped cream bikini (we’re with you if that thought alone made you turn purple). Less is more, and it’s essential to keep the sweet stuff away from your genitals (which can cause a less-than-sexy infection.) Instead, try a drizzle of honey or maple syrup on your nipples or abdomen and have your partner lick it off, suggests Barnard.
Have “Slippery” Sex
Shower sex can be extremely hot—if you do it right. First, bring lube into the shower before you begin, recommends Emily Morse, sex expert and host of the podcast Sex With Emily, since the water can actually dry out your nether regions. Start by having your partner slowly soap you up, then do the same. When you’re both lathered up, bring out the lube and begin the action before rinsing off.
Have “Page-Turning” Sex
Regardless of how you feel about Fifty Shades of Grey, the phenomenon created a wave of erotic literature—and a lot of it is surprisingly sexy. Try reading stories to each other; Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples by Rachel Kramer Bussel is a great option because it contains short stories that can easily be read before bedtime. Not only will it get you in the mood, but it can also help spark conversations about things you’d both love to try in real life.
Have “Remember When” Sex
Part of the advantage of being in a long-term relationship is the fact that you already have a ton of hot memories under both of your belts—so put them to good use! Think back to some of your hottest escapades, and narrate them to each other. You’ll be inspired to top your greatest hits, and you’re sure to have a very fun time trying.
